Contract Marriage With My Ex — Chapter 21. As much as he needs me, I need him…

Kiara’s point of view…

My breaths were stuck in my throat. I wished to breathe and keep standing to the going on situation, yet I couldn’t. His words left me speechless. I froze in my spot and eventually the air around me began to get heavier and burn my skin with  increasing chills.

I was sure by now my skin would have gone crimson under the decreasing temperature. Any how as I moved my head to see him with great difficulty, my heart ached reading his features. He sat like that participant of the competition who lost the match  few seconds right before reaching the finish line.

“Wh-at!” my voice cracked at the unexpected disclosure.

So much pain! So much hurt! So much guilt!

I never thought Raven was living such a difficult life. Look at him, he was young and handsome. He has not even started to enjoy his adult life as an individual and he was already trapped by obstacles and so many problems. He became an unfortunate father of two kids;  one of them lost her life at a bad interval while the other was fighting with death because of his mother’s false practises during pregnancy.

He was crying whilst recalling that bad past but right now, ever since he told me about his little daughter Kiara, he has his lips curved into a smile that never faded away. “Hmmm. You got me right, I lost my Kiara. But I really don’t regret it and you know why?” he gaped over my face. “ Because I had lost my Kiara three years ago. The one I lost a year ago was just a little angel I named after her whom I left behind for someone who does not even deserve to be with me.

But I miss her. I wish if she could come back to me. I am ready to do anything for her. Even ready to take her painful punishments but all I need is her. Only her. I need her. “ That was the end of his speech.

After that he neither smiled nor looked back me.

He indirectly conveyed his message to me.

Having palmed his face he let his heart cry leaving me on my own. He let me be not even caring to stand up and stop me from leaving. He accepted it that way. However, the point was did I really want to leave him! Did I really want to give him the biggest punishment of his life by going away and letting him stay here and see his only child getting either snatched away or brutally killed by his mother like his other child. And most importantly, did I really want to go back to that apartment of mine where I stayed more like a burden on the land and living just for nothing!

I was in dilemma! If  part of my heart said to go and let him be here and cry then the other part of the same heart begged me to stop and take him back. He was wrong, no doubts but at this point of time he needed me just the way I needed him three years ago. Regardless, the indifference was that he left me shoving away the thoughts how much I really cared about him and right now, recalling all those moments, I really felt like leaving him too.

But then, what will be the difference between him and me?

He left me, yes. And if I do the same then I will be as much criminal as him in the eyes of Billy. Surely, Raven no more deserves my sympathy but that little kid deserves me. If not for Raven, then at least for his son I need to stay back. Only for Billy. Only and only for Billy.

“Raven!”

Filling in a good amount of oxygen in my lungs when I turned around, I noticed the seat was empty, and he was now sitting in front of the lord on his knees. I wiped off my tears taking small steps toward him.

Hugging him from behind I wrapped my arms around his shoulders for my own support. As much as he needs me I need him too. We are unfortunately sailing in the same boat. “I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry that you have to recall that past again.” I cried tilting near his ears. My lips harshly brushing against his ear lobe.

Seeing him like that hurts me more than himself. He was everything to me. His happiness mattered to me the most. I changed myself for him and now look at him, he has totally changed. A strong wave of emotions passed within my veins. Loving him was the only thing I knew, perhaps he had other decisions made when it was actually supposed to be us TOGETHER.

May be that is what you call life… A life that shows you all the events. Good, bad, worse, worst and even extremely hurting? But then, it is better to realize your mistake rather than staying in guilt and destroying your life. And a true love is that where both the partners feel the worst of emotions by making wrong decisions before coming together.

May be this was our test taken by our destiny?

In fact, I can’t hold Raven wrong alone. I was wrong too. Yes. If I  really loved him, I should have stopped him from leaving. That day before leaving the country with Shania, he had come to see me. Apologize for one last time but I did not open the door. If I had really cared about our future, my happiness, my emotions then I would have taken every possible step to not let him go away.

We both are equally responsible for all this. We both are to be accused of everything that happened within these years. He should not be blamed alone. “Why did  you not stop me that day?” My heart thumped. I stopped crying and stared him from the corner of my eyes. He raised the same topic I was thinking about.

Tbc…