Careless and Reckless — Chapter 46

The wind whipped through my hair as I drove down familiar roads, turning each sharp corner with ease. It has been years since I'd last ridden a motorcycle but it still felt so natural. Yes, I technically wasn't supposed to have been driving one but dad had taught me, even if I wasn't strong enough to hold it up myself at the time. He just sat on the back for support and let me do my thing.

He lived and breathed them, they were his favourite thing. It's quite poetic, I think, that the thing he loved most in the world caused his end.

It hurts whenever I think of dad or Belle. I might have come to terms with their deaths but that doesn't mean it doesn't rip my soul apart to think of them. I was always a daddy's girl, even though I lived with mum and I had always looked up to Belle, she was my role model and I still aspire to be even half as good as she was. So, it destroyed me to lose two of the closest people to me at the same time.

That's why we moved, to be closer to them. Not longer after the accident we all wanted to feel more connected so we packed our bags and moved into their house, it was left to mum in the will anyway.

To this day, I'm still not quite sure why my parents divorced. I know they still loved each other, it was written on their faces in black and white but at the same time things just kept going wrong for them. Maybe they grew apart or just weren't compatible enough anymore. I could never ask mum about it because it was the one subject that was much too sensitive for her so I've always just had to guess.

There's probably a better answer than what I've come up with but since I'm so young I doubt I'd understand the ins and outs of marriage and divorce, the latter of which I hope will always be the case.

The roaring engine seemed to calm my nerves and erratic heart beat as I continued down the winding road, just minutes from my destination.

I parked outside the house, mansion would probably be a better word to describe it, hopped off of Wyatt's motorcycle and started the short walk to the front door, my hands clammy as I fidgeted with the hem of my top, picking at a loose thread. I rang the doorbell and hugged my leather jacket tighter around my petite figure to help stop the chill of the winter air and the tremors it was sending down my spine.

The door was opened by Jon, an man in his mid sixties. He was tall and frail with a bald spot in the middle of his grey hair but he still carried himself with class and elegance, his formal work attire spotless "Ah miss Kelly. I assume your looking for the young master?"

I nod my head, giving Jon a slight smile.

"He's in his bedroom probably playing on his electronic games or something of the sort," he says with a roll of his eyes but you could see the fondness within them. Jon has been the family butler since before I was born so he'll always have a soft spot for him, he practically raised the guy. "You can go right up."

I grin at Jon before racing through the grand hallway and up the stairs, thankful to finally be out every the weathers clutches.

I don't bother knocking before opening the door and, as Jon predicted, he's sitting on his plush, cushioned sofa playing Xbox, so immersed in his game that he doesn't even hear me walk in.

I clear my throat with a smile on my face which causes him to jolt in surprise. He looks at me with a confused expression before pausing his game and turning his full attention to me. "Ari?"

"Hi Maxi," I say with a sheepish smile.

He groans at the use of my nickname like he always has but nevertheless taps the spot next to him on the sofa, gesturing for me to sit down. "What's up? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Max asks casually, scooting over to make room for me to sit down.

I sigh, running my hands through my hair, slightly detangling the wavy mess it became in the wind.

That's a good question which I don't actually have an answer to if I'm honest.

"I — I — I don't know Maxi," I breathe out. "I just, well, I really needed a hug," I say in a weak whisper before I burst out crying, mascara stained tears running down my cheeks.

Max is quick to react, pulling me into a tight embrace, rubbing my back soothingly as he lets me sob into his shoulder. I don't really know what's come over me but I just keep crying, needing to let everything out.

So much has happened with Wyatt, James, River and now my sister. It's all just too much.

I pride myself in being someone who doesn't cry very often, always having my emotions in check but right now I can't help but let the tears fall, letting them stain Max's warm, grey hoodie. His arms are strong and comforting as he holds me, like he's the last thing keeping me together so I don't break apart.

I don't know how long we sat like this, me balling my eyes out whilst Max held me, whispering words of comfort into my ears but I do know I needed it — a lot.

When I finally pull away, wiping away the last few tears with my sleeve, it takes me a few moments before I can look Max in the eyes. I haven't spoken to him properly since I went a bit crazy but I know I can still count on him. We have one of those friendships where we can not talk for ages but when we speak again it's like no time has past at all and I love that so very much.

He's always been the one I've confided in; he's seen me at my best and he's seen me at my worst but for some reason I can't help but squirm in my seat as he looks at me.

But, eventually, I do look up at him and I can feel my heart twisting in knots. He looks so worried and concerned, like I'm all that matters to him, as he plays with his fingers, trying to think of what to say. "Ari," he starts hesitantly after a long moment of silence. "What happened?"

With those two simple words, both holding such much raw emotion and concern, I can feel my walls beginning to break so I tell him everything — well a lot anyway, I leave out the deal I struck with Wyatt and the track.

I tell him about my friendship with Wyatt and how that lead me to meet River. I talk of my time in my on-off relationship with him and admit to some if the stupid shit I did. Max gives me a slight disapproving look at this point but I shake it off, knowing I deserve it. I tell him about how Wyatt found us and knocked River out and me meeting Harper.

At this point I get a little emotional but push back my feelings so I can continue my story. Max already knows about Belle and dad but I don't ever talk about them so he's shocked to say the least when I mention them and tell him Harper's story and her involvement.

When I finish, I rest my head on his shoulder, unable to see his reaction, too worried of what he'll think.

"Ari," he says softly, lifting my chin so I meet his eyes. "Everything will work itself out and you'll be alright."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask in a weak whisper.

He tenderly tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Because you're brave and you're strong. In fact, you're the the bravest person I have ever met. You've had to deal with so much yet you still continue to smile and laugh. I know it'll all be okay because I believe in you, Ari, I always have," he tells me with an earnest look in his cool grey eyes.

I don't know what to say. All I can think to do is hug him so that's what I do. I pull him in for a warm embrace and hold onto him for what feels like an eternity.

~*~*~

An hour or so later, evening starts to near which means I need to leave here and go speak to River. I can't put this off any longer because I know I'll never do it otherwise.

Max walks me outside and with me to Wyatt's motorcycle but does a double take when he sees it. "Ari," he splutters. "You're — you're riding that?"

I nod as I swing my leg over it and grab my helmet.

"But — but I thought — I thought — you weren't ever going on one again because of what happened."

I sigh as I put on my helmet, sending Max a final look, hoping he'll understand. "Yeah but I have to do this Max. I'm going to confront everything head on."

He hesitantly nods, knowing that he won't be able to change my mind. "Just be careful, Ari, and call me after you've spoken to him, promise me."

I nod as I rev the engine and speed off in the direction of River's house.

This is it. No more shying away.

I will do this.