Careless and Reckless — Chapter 40

Smoking was a strange experience. I'm not sure if I enjoyed it but I for some reason I'm almost itching to do it again but I shake off the feeling as I stamp out the cigarette butt with my heel. River hands me a beer as I do so which I gladly accept, needing something to wash away my thoughts.

"You know you look hot as fuck when you smoke," he tells me with a smirk.

I send him an uneasy smile back before gulping down my beer, hoping to ease my nerves. "Thanks," I say between sips, still feeling slightly on edge but with each drop that goes down my throat I'm more and more comfortable.

River takes a stride towards me, his hand moving to caress my cheek. "So perfect," he whispers so quietly under his breath I almost don't hear it.

I match his stride until my back is pressed against the brick exterior of the house and I can feel my muscles tense.

He's now only inches from me, a kind smile on his face but there's something about it that puts me on edge — what that is, however, I've no idea. Breathe, Ari. Calm down. You're just overthinking.

"You know you look even more gorgeous under the moonlight," River breathes out, his lips millimetres from my own and hands on either side of my body, trapping me in place.

Before I even have time to think of a response his lips are on mine in a gentle kiss. Too shocked to respond, I just stand there, stock still.

When I don't reciprocate the kiss River's lips become more hungry against my own, now being more forceful and dominant. I let out a gasp of surprise at his sudden attitude change and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth.

Part of me wants to push him away and tell him to stop but I don't. Instead, I let him kiss me and hesitantly do the same. Why — I've no idea.

The kiss is aggressive and rough — not something I'm at all used to or like very much. River and I are both panting from lack of breath and his hands move from the wall to the sides of my body. They trail my curves, lingering for much too long but I don't have much time to think about his hands because of his lips — rough and possessive but not in a way I like.

Luckily, he doesn't take it any further as our lips part and he sends me one of his charming smiles. It helps to calm my nerves and ease the tension in my muscles but only slightly. If he had tried to go further a part of me feels like I would've let him and that terrifies me.

I don't know why but I feel like I don't want to say no to him. I shudder at the thought and push it to the back of my mind, focusing on the situation at hand.

"Now that was amazing," he smiles.

I send him a small one back, doing my best to cover up the uncomfortableness I was feeling. "How about we go back inside," I suggest, wanting desperately for the two of us not to be alone for much longer.

After that kiss I'm almost certain I don't like him but I just can't tell him that. He's right, it's wrong of me to shoot him down so early. So maybe I should just go along with this and wait for the feelings to follow — it doesn't sound like a good idea but my gut twists violently at the thought of rejecting him when he's been nothing but lovely and kind to me, always so sincere.

"Sure, Aurora," he says with a grin, grabbing my left hand and interlocking our fingers together.

Once we're back inside River goes to talk to a friend and I hastily make my way to the kitchen, more specifically the alcohol.

I've been overthinking everything tonight and it's pissing me off. I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore because I need to let loose. River even said I was boring which means I really do need to step up my game. James can't be right, I refuse to let that be true.

So I gulp down the dark liquid, that burns as it runs down my throat, with a satisfied smile.

With my mind now much calmer I waltz over to River and his friend, clasping his hand in my own. He turns and gives me a quick peck on the side of my head before continuing his conversation which I, too, weigh in on occasionally.

When we both decide to leave a few hours later I skip over to River's car but it isn't until he starts the engine that the thought begins to dawn on me. "Wait, you can't drive. You've been drinking," I point out with slight worry in my tone despite my lax state.

He idly shrugs as we move onto the road. "Relax babe. We're young and stupid. Let's just have some fun," he grins.

I would protest but I can't find it within me to care. Recently all these dumb and crazy things have been sounding so exciting and I need to be a part of them. So, enjoying the thrill I get from the possible danger, I show River a wide smirk and tell him to go faster.

We reach my home in no time and I lean in to give River a kiss before I leave. A few minutes later when I'm about to get out he stops me by latching onto my wrist. "I'll meet you here at five o'clock on Wednesday. Be ready, I've got something amazing planned."

I send him a nod and get out the car, a blissful day at its end. I certainly wouldn't have expected to enjoy myself but once I let go and just went along with it all I had a great time, maybe too good a time.

~*~*~

Wednesday came rather quickly. I had immersed myself in my work for the past couple days, catching up on everything I'd missed so I hadn't even realised that I'd be going out with River tonight until I received a text at lunchtime.

'Can't wait to see you, babe.'

By the time it reached five I was all ready to go, dressed in my now usual attire which consisted of black, leather and studs.

River looked dashingly handsome as I got into his car, wearing a leather jacket and a devilish grin.

After a few minutes of chitchat, I ask the question that's been on my mind since lunch. "So where are we go exactly?"

Annoyingly, I didn't get a direct reply. "You'll see."

With a roll of my eyes, I begrudgingly accept the fact that I'm not going to get anything more out of him.

About twenty minutes later we're parked on a random field and I already know that my face is voicing the confusion I feel but before I can even ask, River has taken ahold of my hand, intertwined our fingers and begun walking in the direction of nowhere. At least he seems to know where he's going.

I'm about to ask but he cuts me off with a shake of his head. "All in due time, baby, all in due time," he tells me before starting up a brand new conversation as though we're not walking aimlessly in the middle of nowhere.

Sirens should be going off in my head at this point. This would look dodgy and suspicious to anyone with a brain but I feel fine. Ever since Saturday I've been taking things a lot less seriously and just going with the flow. It does wonders for stress and actually makes me feel way more alive.

Another twenty minutes later and River finally decides it's time to stop. It's getting dark out because winter is basically here and I can feel a chill run down my spine at the biting weather.

It takes me a few moments before I realise we're by a train track.

"River," I ask, "what are we doing here?"

A lump is starting to form in the back of my throat but I push away my nerves and take a deep breath. Just go along with it, Ari. You don't even know what you're doing yet. Chill, it'll all be fine.

"We're going to do something exciting," he says with his deep brown eyes glistening. "But first let's eat," he grins and reaches for some things from his backpack.

He lays out a classic red and white checkered picnic blanket and some sandwiches. Along with what I think is beer and vodka.

We both dig in and by the end I'm pretty sure I'm slightly tipsy, not drunk by any means but definitely more calm and giggly than before.

He reaches for his phone and starts to play some soft, slow music. "Shall we dance," he says bowing and grabbing my hand.

I let out a light laugh as I let him twirl me in the moonlight. We slowly end up making our way over to the train tracks and before I know it we're dancing down them. Inside, I know this is a dangerous idea but I don't care in the slightest.

We dance for a good thirty minutes and I can feel my legs starting to get tired but that doesn't stop me as I lean into his chest and dance in time with the music.

Faintly, I can hear a noise in the distance but I pay it no attention, my sole focus on River and the music that's humming in my ears.

The noise is getting louder and it's starting to irritate me. I think River can hear it too because he's stopped the music. "Do you hear that?" He asks.

As I'm nodding it dawns on me and that's when I open my eyes and see it. Shit.

I push River out of the way and jump back myself, both of us avoiding the train by inches. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding as the train whizzes past us both, loud and fast. How did I not realise sooner? Both of us almost died just then.

Instead of frowning I was actually smiling at the thought. Not because I was going to die but because that was probably the most thrilling thing I've done in ages.