Careless and Reckless — Chapter 39

The next day I woke up at five in the morning thanks to the last of the chirping birds still here despite the nearing winter and since I couldn't get back to sleep I decided it would be best to go for a run as I'm not sure how much longer the weather will allow me to do so.

After getting ready and throwing on a jumper to help lessen the chill of the bitter wind I was out the door, deciding it was best to wait until I get back to have breakfast.

My jog was rather pleasant as I watched the sun rise. I did, however, make sure to avoid the park so I'd have no chance of bumping into Wyatt, I doubt he'd be there but there was still the smallest possibility.

I was going to that party with River tonight and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. However, I'm not going to let a few nerves stop me from having a good time. I'm hoping that I'll be able to let loose and just enjoy myself so I can be that girl I've been aspiring towards. I feel like River is the right guy to help me change but at the same time a small part of me wishes that it was Wyatt. I shake away those ideas quickly, refusing to let a certain blue-eyed devil penetrate my thoughts yet again.

When I got home I decided to call Max and ask him how his match went. Not surprisingly, he won but I could hear the excitement in his voice as he gave me a play by play of the game, clearly exaggerating parts but nevertheless it was still great to listen to, especially because of the passion in Max's voice. I'm so glad he's doing what he loves and I can only hope that in time his parents come to understand this is what he wants more than anything.

He asked me if I was free to go out tonight (after every win the team and close friends go out to celebrate. They do something different every time so you never know what to expect) but I told him I was busy. He was a bit bummed by this but said that we'd just have to hang out later, no excuses, to which I agreed. I was extremely tempted to tell him about me going out with River tonight but I didn't want him to worry.

Max would no doubt drop everything and stay with me if I asked but I wanted him to enjoy himself. Besides, I need to do this on my own. I need to be independent and follow through with my decisions, regardless of the consequences. So I didn't mention it and instead told him to have fun and tell me all about it later.

Before I knew it, evening came and I was dressed and ready to go to this party with River. At around eight o'clock I heard his car outside and said goodbye to mum (the twins are at a sleepover). She, for some bizarre reason, loves it when I go out to parties and things, saying that I'm finally acting like a normal teenager whatever that means.

The car ride is pleasant. We chat about trivial things, just getting to know one another but I still don't feel that connection with River and I'm not sure if I ever will and guilt pools in my stomach because of this. I should like River but I don't — maybe it'll come with time.

We park a couple of streets away from the house but I can already hear the music, it's faint but as we near it just gets louder and louder until it's almost deafening.

River sends me a charming smile and clasps my hand in his as we approach the rather large house. "Who's party is this anyway?"

He shrugs nonchalantly. "Just a friend of mine. He always throws the best parties."

We step inside and within seconds I can already tell that this party is in full swing; drunk, horny teenagers spottable everywhere in sight.

The night starts off smoothly. I meet some of River's friends, have a bit of a laugh and only have a small amount to drink — just to give me a bit of a buzz, it's nowhere near enough for me to get drunk.

A little while later River suggests that we play beer pong. My initial response would've been to refuse but thanks to the slight amount of alcohol I've drank calming my mind I agree.

As the game goes on I can feel my sobriety begin to fade but I couldn't find it in me to care. With each drink down my throat, I was having more and more fun, I felt light and carefree.

Whenever I got a ball in I felt giddy with excitement. "Well done baby," River says when I get my third ball in, giving me a lingering kiss on my cheek. I felt the grin on my face as the game continued and River proceeded to give me a light peck every time I got one in. I didn't feel like stopping him so I didn't, I just wanted to have fun.

"Let's dance baby," River whispers into my ear once the game is over.

I send him an excited smile as we make our way to the large crowd of drunk teenagers dancing — actually dry humping seems more accurate.

I start jumping about to the music, River's hands on my waist as he stands behind me, following my lead and doing the same.

The loud atmosphere coupled with limitless alcohol was actually quite enjoyable. I can see why Jess loves coming to these things. Speaking of Jess, I wonder how her and Emma are doing. As far as I'm aware they're still together but Jess never really mentions her so I'm not sure. I remember asking her about Emma yesterday when we were in the car but she kept changing the subject. There's definitely something fishy going on there but I wonder what.

Detective Ari will find out. Oh, imagine how fun It'd be to be a detective with a cool hat and a magnifying glass. Oh my god, what if I became the next Sherlock Holmes. I could get a funny sidekick and-

I let my mind wonder for a bit longer before coming back to reality.

I hadn't realised but with each song our bodies must've been moving closer together because now my back is flush against River's chest. I just shrugged off the slightly uncomfortable feeling I got and continued to dance without a care, my hair probably a mess by now.

His hands ran down the sides of my body for a while before resting on my exposed thighs. Before long they were moving upwards again, but this time under my dress.

My mind was screaming at me to tell him to stop, that I wasn't comfortable with this level of intimacy so soon.

I didn't say anything for a long while, enjoying the music and the atmosphere around me. It wasn't until he reached my underwear that I finally made a move to stop him, only just now processing the situation I was in and what my mind was telling me.

I step away from him, claiming I was tired of dancing and wanting to go outside. I'm hoping some fresh air will help clear my mind. So we walk to the back door, River's hand on the small of my back. I'm still not sure if I like him but I'm feeling slightly more open to his touch at the moment — hopefully it's because I'm developing feelings and not just the alcohol.

There's a few people outside but not too many; it's nowhere near as crowded as it is indoors. As I was breathing in the fresh air a horrible smell hit my nose. I looked to my right to see River smoking — just great (note the sarcasm).

"You want one babe?" River asks, referring to the cigarette in his hands.

I politely shake my head, knowing it's not the best idea.

You should try it. It could be fun. A voice in the back of my minds says but I ignore it.

"Ah come on, I think you'll love it," he tempts.

Even in my state I know it's a bad idea yet the thought is tempting. I'm not sure what it is but I almost want to try it, my insides are giddy with anticipation.

You should try new things, Ari. What's the harm? The voice tries again, making my resolve begin to fade.

What am I thinking? I can't be thinking straight.

"I don't think I should, River," I tell him, trying to sound confident.

Boring. The voice taunts. Where's your sense of fun?

It takes everything I have in my not-so-sober state to ignore the voice. It's just in my head, what does it know?

"Don't be so boring, Aurora. Live a little."

Son of a b-

Okay, maybe the voice does know what it's talking about. "Okay. Fine," I give in and River grins, handing me a cigarette and a lighter.