Marigold — Chapter 42

Mari's POV

"It's impossible. Z will forget his own birthday but not anything related to you or your relationship," Atlantis stated. She was collecting her things as we were about to go to our next class.

I didn't bother answering her. The truth is, I don't even know what to feel. Lately, Z had been so out of it. It was as if he was always in deep thought and was fumbling.

It's been a week actually. I tried to ask if there's anything wrong but he just said it was nothing. He told me he was just preparing for his finals which I know is a load of bullshit. Z is the smartest out of all of us. He can nail his exams without even studying. It was something all of us knew ever since we were a kid. Uncle Sky always says it was from his genes but Aunt Max would always oppose it.

But this, Z's sudden coldness is stressing me out. Truth be told, I wasn't even half fazed about the fact that he forgot about yesterday. It wasn't as much as important as having him with me.

Yesterday was our 500th day as a couple. The whole day, I was anticipating for his greeting but all I received was a good morning and good night message. Yeah, a few have you eaten questions but that's just about it.

"Do you want us to contact Y? Or Elle might actually be a better choice. If things doesn't end well, Xander would probably have an idea what's happening,"

She walked with me along the hallway. I'm still not in the mood but I don't really want a fight with Z.

Ever since we got together, all he did was show me how much he loves me, how much he will sacrifice and do for us to stay together. The amount of stress he probably had to endure because of my Dad was more than enough. So I want to hold into him and think that this was something that will eventually pass.

"I don't want to bother them with this. Besides, I know Z will come to me eventually,"

"Why not ask him about it if you're that bothered?"

I thought about that. Honestly, the moment I woke up this morning, I was two seconds away from calling him. But something in me can't seem to do it.

"Oh, Miss Devon, Miss Simons,"

Atlantis and I stopped in our tracks when one of the college deans greeted us. We both bow and greeted her back.

"Great, it's good I actually bumped into you guys especially you Miss Simons,"

I wanted to raise my eyebrow at her words.

Please don't ask for any favors regarding our parents. I silently wished.

Because it wasn't the first time to be honest. Sometimes, my parents were okay with it but I'm not. I fucking hate it. I hate it so much I had to use all the self-control that I have not to snap at those people.

A signature from my parents or something was okay but sometimes, the favors gets too overbearing and ridiculous.

"Yes, Miss Choi?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping you could remind Mr. Devon Kim to drop by the faculty. It's been a week and he hasn't submitted his papers. The deadline was nearing and I was sure he wouldn't let this opportunity into waste,"

My brows furrowed at what she said but before I can ask any more questions.

"You guys must be so proud of your friend especially you Miss Simons. Aren't you two dating?"

I smiled in acknowledgment but I really wanted to ask her what she was talking about.

For some reason, my stomach started churning and the beating of my heart started accelerating.

I was nervous, dead nervous. And I knew Atlantis was curious about what's happening too.

"Anyway, please tell Mr. Kim to bring in his registration from his student exchange application. It is such a great opportunity for him. Out of the ten students, only his credentials met the requirements so it was automatically offered to him,"

At that, I was frozen still in my place, unable to move. The college dean left both of us in the hallway, my breath hitches and I feel like I was suffocating.

"Mari..." Atlantis called for my attention.

I bit my lower lip, unable to speak. Is this the reason why Z had been out these days?

What was he thinking?

Atlantis must have realized how the incident affected me so the two of us ended up skipping our classes and we both went to our usual spot.

The moment I locked eyes with Xander, he stood up and guided me to sit down. Lennox was with him but I was too out of it to even be bothered.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked the moment I was seated. Atlantis was standing behind me and I saw them locking eyes as if they were silently conversing.

My heart was beating rapidly.

Suddenly, it all dawn into me, the reason why Z was unfocused. He must be thinking about the exchange program. He must be having a hard time deciding.

Was it because of me?

"Where is Z?" I heard Xander asking, prying for his phone in his pocket but I held into him to stop him from calling Z.

I don't want Z to see me like this.

I was already crying. Suddenly, felt so stupid. Ten minutes ago, I was just upset with him because he forgot our day only to find out that he must be struggling. I knew Z will have a hard time deciding.

Devon will always think about me. I know he'll think about staying because I will be left there.

Z won't leave me. He will never do that - that I am sure of.

But how about his dreams? How about his future? As the dean said, it was a great opportunity. I don't want to take that away from him.

"Mari, why the hell are you crying? Did you and Z fought?" he asked. I shake my head in response. I can't talk. I feel so bad about what's happening.

I can't believe I'm dragging Z down when all he had been was an inspiration to me. Ever since we started dating, my grades had been better because he helps me study, one reason why Mom loves him even more.

I am nothing but a burden to him.

"Mari?"

My body stiffened when I heard Z's voice. I lifted my gaze and stared at Xander who immediately shook his head.

"Oops," I tilted my head and saw Lennox on his phone. "Sorry," he mouthed. Shit.

I was quick to wipe away the tears in my cheeks before turning into Z.

And there he is, face full of worry. He was panting as if he runs to get here. That made my heart clenched.

Why? Just why is he like this? Why does he live his life with me in its center?

Why can't he live for himself too?

"Why?" I whispered, my voice cracking. Xander stood up to give Z space.

At that, my tears started streaming down my cheeks once again.

I feel so bad for Z. Everything he does, every decision he makes, he always has to consider me, my emotion, my reaction. But when it comes to me, I mostly decide for myself. I seldom think of his reaction.

I had been so selfish and knowing how Z had been out of focus the past few days, it only means he was considering it. He wants to go but he can't because of me.

I felt his arms wrapped around me, caressing my back to calm me down.

Fuck Marigold. Why are you dragging him down? Why are you taking his beautiful future away from him?

I lifted my gaze and our eyes met. And I recognized the expression he was wearing. He knew I was already aware of it.

"It's nothing, really," he started explaining but I stopped him midway.

"Can I decide for you?" I asked. At that, I saw fear clouding his expression and that breaks my heart even more.

Fuck you, Mari. What have you been doing all this time? ---