Through Your Eyes — Chapter 39

RED'S POV

My eyes grew wide as Sean caged me between him and the door. This rough move was the aggressive side of him that I did not see yet. This passionate kiss may not be our first, but Sean was always gentle, and he did it in the right place. His eyes darkened as he gazed down at me, and I could tell beneath those narrow darts that a strong desire was already consuming him.

With his hands planted on each side of my shoulders, he tilted his head and started a slow and sensual suck, alternating between my upper and lower lips. Drawn into the momentum, I opened my mouth to welcome him, and he probed his tongue inside as soon as he got the access. He stayed that way for a couple of minutes, shifting between sucking and probing until my senses screamed for something more.

I closed my eyes as his mouth moved into my earlobes, my fingers clutching into the edges of his shoulders. Sean took it as another sign of welcome, and he ran his tongue right away down to my neck, leaving wet trails and tingles on my skin. As his hands also ran down my upper arms, his mouth sealed my mouth again. I gasped when his hands crawled to my back, unclasping the hook of my bra. Soon his hands spread over my breasts and his fingers fondling on the tips. I moaned loudly when the sense of pleasure bolted throughout my body. He was already kneading it according to the rhythm of his tongue exploring on my mouth.

The next moves happened fast. Sean lifted me with one arm in an upright position that my upper body hanged on his right shoulder. Soon, I felt the soft cushion on my back as he laid me on the bed. My heart throbbed louder each second because I could already guess what's next.

I closed my eyes as I anticipated him undressing me, but instead, I felt the bed sank on my side. He then wrapped his arms around me, the top of my head under his chin. I heard his shallow breathing as he held me tighter, and I started wondering what he was doing. I turned to face him, but he stood up in an abrupt motion and ran to the bathroom.

When I heard the sound of the running water, I knew the answer to my question--he did not want to do it with me. Maybe, he did not want to spoil his memories with Calla, or perhaps, he felt that I was unclean, If I could imagine him with that woman, he probably pictured me out in his mind with Eric. I could not blame him if he felt that way; it was not our fault if both of us had pasts with someone else.

My own desire for sex had died down when I thought about this. A pang of pain started to creep in my heart because those scenes earlier that day began to play in my mind again. Droplets of water in my cheek snapped me back to my senses. Sean was already hovering above me when I looked up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my ear as soon as he lay down beside me, his elbow planted on the bed. "I got carried away." He then kissed my forehead, and I felt like a little child, being deprived of a piece of candy.

"What's wrong?" I was not holding back my curiosity because the sense of inferiority had already started to engulf me.

"I'm sorry for not being able to hold back. I could have waited a little longer."

I pulled myself up, and I sat down on the bed, my back on the headboard. "What I wanted to know is that why did you stop?"

He looked at me and chuckled, perhaps sensing my embarrassment. "Isn't it too soon?"

"I know it. First, it's because I'm not Calla, and second, you do not want to ruin your memories with her."

I planted my hands on the bed, then slid my lower back down, and tossed myself back into the bed. Next, I pulled the sheets up to my neck and turned to my left side, my back facing him. He was also quick to pull me close to him.

"What are you talking about? I just want a clear difference between love and want."

When I remained silent, he continued. "Red, I have learned my lesson. I do not want to get blinded by lust anymore and misinterpret it as love. The same as I do not want you to do it with me because of need, and not because you love me."

I still did not move, pretending that I was ignoring him.

"Forget Eric, let me in, and learn to love me soon."

"I already told you that he no longer means to me," I finally replied.

"If it's true, then why are you still affected? You should not have been bawling your eyes out just because you come across with your boyfriend's one-night-stand."

His words moved me. I could not imagine how much patience and self-temperance he tried to uphold, just because he thought I was still hurting for Eric.

"I was crying, not because I still love Eric, but because of their betrayal. I feel I am so insignificant and worthless in their eyes."

"However you define it, it's still the same. There is a song that goes this way, "I remember the boy, but not the feelings anymore. Get me?"

I sighed. Maybe, he was right, and I just denied it. Silence followed, and before it could lull me to sleep, I kissed the tip of his nose, then stood up.

"Sean, I need to go. I already want to sleep."

Sean also stood up and walked to the glass wall next to his bed. He then pushed the thick curtain to the side, then slid a door open. My eyeballs almost popped out when that door opened to somewhere I already half-expected-- my bedroom.