Sin De Rella — Chapter 32

His Loss

Skip

I NEVER felt so sad like this that it felt like the darkness has swallowed me, and my brain has been detached from my body. Arella stayed silent the whole ride and even inside the lift. I couldn’t even open my mouth to talk. I was completely lost and shattered.

The key fell from my hand as I fumbled it to the keyhole. I didn’t realize my hands were trembling until she gripped them.

“Let me,” she mumbled. Her voice laced with worry and sadness.

The moment we got inside, I made my way to the small cabinet in the kitchenette, grabbed the bottle of whiskey, and set the glass that came first to my sight. I poured a shot and glugged the amber liquid, hoping to numb the gnawing pain I felt. I ignored the burning sensation in my thickening throat and leaned on the kitchen counter for support.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. When I opened them, Arella looked like about to burst into cry. A stabbing pain jolted my stomach to see her as affected as I was.

“Are you okay?” It was total bullshit—a ridiculous question.

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Women said their fine is complete bullshit, Reigh.”

“Can I have a shot?” She pointed at the whiskey bottle.

I quickly poured her a shot with the same glass I used and offered it to her. She drained all at once just like I did. I thought we needed this before I poured my heart out.

“I’m going back to London tomorrow,” before I fell apart, and like a coward, as I was, I said it without looking at her. It could kill me if I saw something on her face, but I definitely should because I needed to see her face eventually. She was the only strength I got in my arm’s length.

“What?” The rasp, shakiness, and shock in her voice forcefully made me look at her.

The pressure bearing down on my chest threatened to crack my ribs when I met her gaze. “Come with me, please?” Gripping her hand above the counter, I begged as if my life depended on it. “I don’t think I can stay sane without you by my side, Reigh.” I blinked when I felt my eyes sting.

“I thought you could stay until the launching.” She wiped her face, and that broke my heart again.

I rounded quickly and wrapped my arms around her. “Please?”

“I’m so sorry, but I can’t. You mean a lot to me more than you probably know but... I-I can’t. My life is here, my family, my friends, and my job. And I made a promise to... someone.” She sobbed in my chest. I could feel her tears soaking my shirt.

I inhaled her smell deeply, hoping it would last longer in my senses. The loneliness inside me grew harder and deeper. “If what you said is true at least prove it. I need you more than anything I can grasp right now. I can’t promise I can come sooner, Arella. I need to be there early tomorrow, but I can’t find a flight.”

“Clyve left London without talking to Dad.” I loosened my arms around her. Her eyes were red and wet. They softened, but she didn’t say anything. I cupped her face and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Dad was devastated when he found out. Then when I called him after you left, he’s actually admitted in the hospital. He had a heart attack.”

“Oh my God!” Arella rushed out her words, eyes widening in shock. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Is your dad okay?” She held my hand, but the moment she loosened it, I knew what she was about to say. Nothing was going to change her mind.

I shook my head. “Dad’s fully conscious, but Clyve doesn’t know yet though. The doctor advised him to undergo surgery, but the problem is, he might not be able to make it if he will not going to decide it quickly. And Clyve might have broken down once he knew he had caused it somehow. I can’t afford to have him on that track again. And Dad made me promise not to tell my brother until the surgery is successful.” I looked at her, and she turned to walk away, somehow thinking about it.

I didn’t want to force her to come with me because she wanted to comfort me or help me. I wanted her to come willingly because she cared. I wanted us to be together badly. I needed her to want the things I wanted, and I wanted her in my arms anytime I pleased. I could not guarantee her a perfect life, but I would do everything to make her smile every day.

“It might take a while before I can come back. I need to handle the business until dad recovered completely. I will let the manager handle the project, and the launching might have to be moved. Clyve can’t handle the work here. He has no experience of running a business yet.”

She shook her head. “I wish I can, Skipper. I’m so sorry, but we can still talk, right? I—”

“You made a promise to someone I get it. That someone must be so damn important to you that you chose to stay over me than breaking the promise. He’s lucky, Reigh.”

“You don’t get it, Skip. I’m torn between you and—”

“And him?” I stood straight. “‘Who is that fucking bastard, Arella? Can’t you see me?” I walked towards her, grabbed her hand, and pressed it against my chest. “Can’t you feel it? Am I not enough for you? I fucking love you for seven years. I know you would not believe me because who fucking loves someone from thousand miles away without telling her how he feels? I came for you, and now we are together, then something came up and circumstances break us apart. I sacrificed something, will you please do something for us this time? I know how you feel towards me, and I know you are just afraid to trust your heart again to someone, but I will never intentionally hurt you and break you all over again. I’d rather die.”

“I wish it’s easy.” She looked at me right into my eyes. I knew she could feel and see me now.

“What’s so hard in loving me back? Please tell me? Make me understand. We can make impossible things possible together, and you know that.”

“She, Skip.” Her chin trembled. Her tears kept falling, and I almost broke apart to see her like this. “You are always in my heart, a part of me. And I will always think of you no matter how far you are. You don’t have to worry that I can easily replace you with any man, because I don’t look at them the way I look at you. You’re right, you know exactly how I feel toward you. Don’t ever doubt it. I just wish I-I can come with you.”

“Who is she, Arella?” I tried to catch her gaze, but she avoided me. I wished I knew the answer, what was inside her heart, and what was swirling in her head—it fucking exhausted me. “Arella, please?”

For like a billion years, she finally met my gaze. Her face laced with wary. Her mouth opened, but before she could speak my phone vibrated in my pocket. She blinked. “Answer that. Could be an emergency.”

“Please don’t go anywhere?” I forced a smile.

She cupped my face and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I needed that. I fished out my phone. My heart galloped in my chest, then momentarily stopped when I saw the name on the screen. Jesus Christ! It’s Ma’am Marione. Dad’s assistant who I respected most. She was an old-fashioned British woman who wore a conservative dress. When her husband died, she replaced him because they treated my dad as their son that they never had.

“Ma’am, how are you this fine day?” I heard a sigh from the other line. By the sound of it, she was about to drop another bad news because we kept in touch through email and called me if it was not crucial.

“You should probably take a sit, Skipper.”

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart squeezed tighter, and I was already struggling to breathe. Swallowing hard, I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn’t find a word until I felt something rolling down my face—I was crying.

“Son, I’m sorry to tell you this but your dad—” My phone fell from my grasp before Ma’am Marione could finish her words.

* * *

I DIDN’T know how I’d survive this.

‘I’m so sorry for your loss, Skip.’

Arella’s last words echoed in my brain. After packing my things, she cuddled me throughout the night. I wasn’t expecting that night would end that way, but it happened anyway. Her dad and Brett extended their sympathy over the phone when I called her brother to look after her while I was gone.

Mum burst into a cry when I informed her of the terrible news. I knew deep in my heart, she still cared for her ex-husband. Then we decided to tell my brother together. When we boarded a chartered private jet to London, Clyve had not said a word throughout the flight, and I was damn worried about him.

The funeral was harder than I’d anticipated especially when people paid respect had said the same words over and over again.

Finally, I was able to breathe for the first time since Dad died when Clyve cried on my shoulder as we watched the casket rolled down, blaming himself for leaving Dad alone.

After a week, I thought everything was going back to normal, but I was wrong. Dad left tons of paper works, but I was thankful to the lawyers, employees, and Ma’am Marione for they made everything easier for me. I had to put myself back together now I had a huge responsibility in keeping my father’s legacy.

Two days after the reading of my father, late Braddock Clifford Linton’s last will, Mum returned to New York for the auction of her wine collections, and the money would be donated to the Autism Foundation.

Only two things were keeping me sane: One, Arella was true to her words, and we kept communicating now and then, but my chest still felt empty. And two, Clyve was on the right track so far—we had conversations over dinner, and somehow made his every damn day productive.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m not going back there, brother. We both lost Dad, and I know exactly what are you doing.”

“Brother, I want you to teach me how to manage the business. At night, I can take classes online, and I will work my arse off during the day. I want to help you like how you helped me stand on my feet when I was lost. I had some business-related classes that might help, you know. You are the boss now, brother. You can move the headquarter to New York, and I will manage the work you left here. Just tell me what should I do.”

I froze to the words of Clyve at my back. The London Bridge somehow disappeared from my view through the window of my father’s office.

“You’ll help each other, son. You are the big brother. I know I wasn’t a good father that you can be proud of, and I failed your mother as well, but I hope this business will make your life better in the future. You are damn good at this, Skipper. And I am so proud of you.”

“Come on, old man. You are stronger than of a Windsor castle.”

“After my divorce with your mother, you two are the only things that made me not to fall apart, and the thought of your mother’s success somehow made my regrets lesser. Tell your brother that I love you both so much.”

“Tell him yourself that, Dad. Why do I feel like this is goodbye?”

“A path to happiness is to follow your heart, Skipper. That’s what I’m struggling, and I don’t want you to follow the same path I walked in. I regretted that I let your mum go without doing my best. And trust me, Skipper, I still love and will always love your mum till my last breath.”

When I turned to look at him, he was wearing a double-breasted suit which he hated for as long as I could remember. “I am not forcing you into this, Clyve. I can still manage, and this is what I did for seven years. And I am your big brother. And every big brother will do anything for his little brother.”

“And every little brother will do anything just to see his big brother happy.”